So the sacrafise begins

Yesterday we made the first sacrifice towards the cause. It seemed harmless enough, a simple birthday party with a pinata. But then they brought out the heathen pinata in the form of a "Penguin". We could not stand for the injustice that the stores hath wrought upon us so we took action. The chicken was pummeled with our bare hands as we extracted the candy from the interior. We tested the wings, they worked. The "Penguin" could fly, despite the lies the media has spread. If it can fly, it is not a "Penguin", but rather a chicken in a tux. We decided to make the final sacrafise, and burn it. So we soaked it with lighter fluid and threw it to a firey death.


Let the lesson be learned by corporates everywhere. We will not stand for the injustice you pass as letting the chickens pretend to be "penguins". They do not exist. We will hunt them down and burn them one by one if we have to, in order to prove that penguins do not exist.

Basic Info

Every year, thousands of chickens are mistreated, and forced to dress up in tuxedos. Why? Because people refuse to accept that penguins don't exist, and corporate America is taking advantage of this by creating funds to help protect penguins! How can we protect whats not real!? The media is only furthering this lie with movies like "Happy Feet". America's children are being tricked into thinking that penguins are real! The truth must be heard!

Sure, some of you may say "Hey penguins exist, I've seent them at the Zoo" WRONG!!! That was a chicken forced to dress in tuxedos. It is a common misconception for people to confuse penguins with chickens in tuxedos. Tuxedo chickens are being shipped to the Arctic every year to further this lie. And as my colleague Dr. Hu pointed out, in these frozen tundras the chickens freeze to death, and even worse the tuxedos that they are wearing are dry clean only, forcing the chickens to constantly buy new tuxedos.

Please, stop the ignorance! Expand the truth, tell your neighbors, friends, family, and co-workers the truth about penguins! Maybe someday the lie well be swept from this planet, and the poor tuxedo chickens can go back to their recently expanded cages (thanks to prop 2).

Many still argue that penguins do exist, so let me ask those "believers".
"How do you prove the existence of an airplane?"
You will undoubtedly answer "I have been within an airplane, therefore proving that they exist. How can one be present in something that does not exist."
I therefore respond "Have you ever been in a penguin?"

Patrick Long gave further evidence to their nonexistence by simply stating "Penguins are not in the Bible, therefore they do not exist".